Guilty: I Play Favorites

“That coach just plays his favorites…” is a phrase spoken in every high school gym, in every state in the country, every year. Surely there can’t be a coach who plays favorites in every gym, in every state, can there?

The answer to that question is yes. My response to that ignorant, repeated phrase is simply, “You’re correct.” Coaches do play favorites, and they SHOULD. If they don’t, I say they aren’t very good at their jobs. Let me explain.

Too many people think that making a team should be easy and playing time should be equal. These people never won anything in their lives. Let me give you two different scenarios. Person A never worked for anything, earned anything, or won anything. Person B sacrificed personal comforts and leisure activities to work long hours alone, honing talents and skills to compete against the best, until one day becoming the best.

Which person do you think would say to lower the standards and let everyone have an equal award? Which person do you think would say he worked hard for his award and therefore should be exclusive in possessing it?

Person B understands what it takes to become a winner. He understands that in doing so, he joins a group of people who are trusted more, given more responsibility, and asked to deliver more in return. They are favored. Why? Because they have proven themselves to be willing to do whatever it takes to succeed. They are driven to be the best.

Let me pose a very simple question for any skeptics reading this who disagree. Who would you like to perform your root canal at the dentist? The focused, driven doctor at the top of his class who excelled at performing root canals, causing no pain or discomfort to his patient, and producing a quality, long-lasting fix to a troublesome tooth? Or would you rather have the dental candidate who slept through most classes and cared very little about learning new procedures or patient comfort, let alone the quality and durability of his work? Oh, you want a good dentist? You have favorites.

Coaches are no different. We don’t set out to “choose” favorites. The favorites prove themselves to us. We don’t anoint favorites based on family name or income. I can assure you, my income never changed because of wealthy parents, and my social status never rose because of the last name of my players. However, the scoreboard sure changed in our favor when I played the kids who worked the hardest and gave the best effort. When my “favorites” were on the floor, our success went up. I got better jobs, earned better income, and climbed the coaching ladder of success, all because I knew which kids to play.

Make no mistake about it: coaches have favorites. But the title is not given. It is earned over a long period of sacrifice, hard work, great attitude, and intense competitiveness. Even then, it isn’t the coach declaring the athlete as a favorite. It’s the athlete earning favor.

That’s also where modern coaching tools have changed the conversation. When a coach can show a parent the practice data, the skill progression, and the effort tracked over time, “playing favorites” stops looking like an opinion and starts looking like evidence. Platforms like Ballogy make it easier for a coach to point to the work behind the decision, not just describe it. The favorites aren’t a feeling. They’re a record.

Now, back to the Karens. The good news for all of you is that favoritism is an equal opportunity employer! If you would like to be a favorite of your boss, be one of the best workers. Here’s an idea: show up on time, do your best work, help others and the team succeed, and watch yourself become a favorite. That is how excellence and winning are achieved—ordinary people doing extraordinary things.

Those are my favorite people. Call me guilty. I play favorites.